Where Has The Time Gone
It feels like just the other day that I put all my belonging in storage and packed up my car heading west for a new life, a fresh start. Here I am nearly six years later and I honestly wouldn't recognize the person I was when I first came here.
In some ways I feel like I'm living in a dream that I fear will abruptly end any day. They always do, at least sometimes I see the crash coming miles out. But, this time is different. I don't know when, I just assume based on the past that one day will be the end of us, of this life we have started together. I have no logical reason to think this, it's just me being overly protective of my heart.
He talks about us getting married and growing old together, which is lovely in all and for the first time actually something I really do want. But, then I worry about the future, about the unknown, about the consequences of decisions I'm making now.
Like how I always thought I would have kids, but now my biological clock is out of time. Maybe that's for the best really, since I've always been on the fence about having children. The thing is once I found out the chances of me having any naturally are slim to none I started to regret not doing something about it. But, IVF is ridiculously expensive and I'm not going to go into debt to have a child. So now my future looks so different that I once imagined and with it comes other doubts and fears about the decisions I'm making and those I have no control over.
Until I write again, don't do anything I wouldn't do.